


Delphinias on Her Shoes

by NervousAsexual



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Domestic, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mother-Daughter Relationship, i'll put a warning over the offending chapters, nothing too graphic but please stay safe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 10:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6851611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAsexual/pseuds/NervousAsexual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the six years since the events of Dragon Age Origins the Warden and Alistair married, had a daughter, and went their separate ways. The Warden continues to train new recruits to her army and Alistair is quite content to live off in the Korcari Wilds with his little one and only the occasional visitor. But after he and Little One are stranded by an ugly act of violence, he decides they have no choice but to run back to the Warden.</p><p>Updates on Saturdays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, here's the deal. Some pretty ugly stuff happens in some of the early chapters, but it should stay comparatively contained. If anyone wants to put spoilers/trigger warnings/calls to arms in the comments regarding that stuff, please feel free. 
> 
> On a technical level I plan to update this on Saturdays, barring any Unforeseen Consequences like lawsuits, unplanned overtime at work, or resonance cascades.
> 
> Most of the bad stuff that happens is kinda squicky, so I apologize in advance to you, the reader. Also you, Alistair's voice actor. I wrote most of this before I realized you were that singer/magician guy from that one crummy Disney sitcom and now everything is awkward forever.

Daddy tried to explain the Fade, but Little One found this frustrating.

"When you go to sleep at night," he said as he barred the door to the cabin and she nestled in the pile of bearskins in the back room. "What do you see?"

"Nothing."

"You don't dream."

"Dream?"

"Like a story you watch in your head."

That didn't make any sense. When would she have time?

Daddy bolted the shutters and poked up the fire before he answered.

"Your mother never dreamed either," he said as he crawled under the bear skins as well. "Dwarves usually don't. But after we were in the Fade together she started having little half-daydreams, just at night. But she still didn't dream there. That's how we escaped."

Little One dug her toes into the fur. "What did she do?"

Daddy's eyes were closed, but his forehead wrinkled up in recognition. "Well, she saved us, Little One."

But how?

He yawned a big, loud, Daddy-yawn. "Oh, you know the story. You could tell it to me."

"She beat up the Sloth demon and his guardians."

"That's right."

"Who were the guardians?"

"I wasn't there, I was dreaming."

"But who were they?"

Daddy sighed but ticked off names on his fingers. "Slavern the abomination. Rhagos, the rage demon. Uthiel the crusher."

All by herself!

"And..."

"And?"

"And... some demons. Two, I think. I didn't see her until after they were gone, when she came for me and we fought the sloth demon."

How did she fight the demon?

But Daddy was already asleep.

He liked to talk about Mama, about how they met through Warden Duncan, about the way she kept her hair tied in three short pigtails and about the dwarven caste-less symbol tattooed on her face, and about Affe, the Mobari war hound she had rescued during the Blight. He wasn't very good at describing her with words and there weren't really any pictures of her, but once or twice a year Little One could convince him to take out the wanted poster he kept in the back of a drawer, tucked behind the long robes that the Chantry sent. The poster was yellow and wrinkled and creased along two folds, but she never got tired of seeing it.

"It's not a very good likeness," he'd say, sounding like he did when the dahlias bloomed beside the cabin or when Little One wrote out her letters without any help. "They butchered, I mean just mangled, the tattoo and I know how angry it made her to see them puff up her chin. Even for a dwarf she had such little features, but she had round cheeks, like yours."

"Do I look like her?"

"Oh, yes, quite a lot." Daddy smiled, and of course Little One looked nothing like he did. There weren't any mirrors in the cottage, but she had seen enough of her reflection in the water pitcher, the silver bowl in the cabinet, and in the side of her drinking cup when it was just polished. She was short and square and dark brown and he was tall and strong with a crooked smile and silver-blond hair and white skin like the people who came from the Chantry.

But how could she be ugly, she wondered as Daddy snored behind her, like a little bullfrog, as the Chantry boys had said, if she looked like her mother? Those same Chantry boys would never call her mother ugly. And when they played Grey Wardens (and Little One played the squat genlocks or the murderous hurlocks), it wasn't even an insult or offense to play as Natia, the last of the Ferelden Grey Wardens. No one would dare call her mother squat or dirt brown or say she looked like a bullfrog. She was a dwarf, her skin the color of the earth that bore her, warm and welcoming and protective.

Behind her Daddy coughed in his sleep. In the fireplace the logs shifted, and Little One rubbed her face in the bear furs. She looked like her beautiful mother.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The uncomfortableness begins. There's nothing really explicit and everything happens offstage (or whatever the literary equivalent is) but please be careful.

Daddy was already awake, padding around the cottage in his long underwear, when Little One woke up.

"Mornin'," he said when she came out into the living area, wiping the sleep from her eyes. "What can I get you for the breaking of the fast, my princess?"

"Mm..." She climbed up onto the tall, sharp chair before the table. "Ice cream! And cake!"

"Ice cream and cake?" Daddy grimaced. "Yuck. How about darkspawn blood and fried spider legs and to wash it down a nice draught of warm swamp water?"

"Disgusting!" But the idea of Daddy frying up spider legs in an iron pan as he sang marching songs to her ticked her insides.

"Disgusting? Princess, you have wounded me gravely. But why don't we compromise with biscuits and cheese?"

All right. But she would much rather have had cake.

He laughed at that. "Stay there, then. I think I may still have a hard candy from the templars. Don't look! I don't want you to know where all my hidey-holes are!"

When he ducked in to the backroom she began tapping her heels against the rungs of the chair. Daddy always told her not to because it made the rungs loose and knocked off the paint. So? Rungs didn't hold chairs up, legs did, and anyway the only people who would see the paint were the people who stopped by from the Chantry, and weren't they supposed to like used and broken things?

Their places at the table were already set, and Little One picked up the little steel cup at her place and let it dance around on its edge. A sister from the cloisters had come once to teach her to dance, as a birthday gift. She had talked and talked and talked about form and time and praise to the Maker, but Little One already knew how to spin so fast the world turned to green and brown and blue blurs and that was much more fun.

As she spun the cup around and around she happened to look to the window. The shutters were still closed and even though there was enough light to see from the fire and the lamp that hung by the shelves it didn't really seem like morning. She put the cup back and hopped down from her chair. She could unlatch the shutters by herself. Maybe she couldn't tie them back, but she could let the sunlight in!

She had only taken a few steps towards the window when the front door opened. Whoever was at the door didn't know like the Chantry or the Templars, just forced it open and suddenly she was staring up at two men in leather armor and four or five behind them in heavy mail, and they all looked as surprised to see her as she was to see them.

In an instant Daddy appeared in the door to the back room, pants on over his long underwear but nothing on top. He seemed to know what was happening and reached out for her but one of the armored men shoved past, knocking her down, and swung out with something heavy and blunt and knocked him to the floor. At the same time one of the men in light armor grabbed Little One by the arm. He squeezed it so tight she felt tears popping up in her eyes and she punched and kicked and finally--because his armor seemed too short and ended above his wrist--she bit his hand. He swore and the other man in light armor slapped her in the side of the head so hard her ears rang.

Daddy lunged upwards, toward her, but two of the armored men pounced, dragging him back by the arms, and the man who'd slapped her leapt at his head, twisting it back and clamping his hand over Daddy's mouth. Little One yanked at her arm but the man on her arm slapped her too, this time on the other side of the head and she sat right down without meaning to.

Daddy tried to say something but the man in leather jerked his head to one side.

"My name is Jonas," said the man who held her arm. "Does this belong to you?"

He yanked on her arm, but at the same time it felt like something sharp stabbed her in the ear. She put her hand up to it and something red and runny covered her fingers.

"Have to admit, I'm not that fond of dwarf girls, or kids for that matter. But it's been a long, long time, you understand?"

Understand what? Was he going to kill her? Eat her? Did bandits eat kids?

Daddy's head snapped back quickly, and he ducked under the man's hand. The armored men tightened their grip on his arms but he had just enough time to gasp out, "Wait," before the man in leather clamped down on his throat with his forearm. "Please..."

The man in leather gave Jonas a questioning look, and Jonas nodded in response. The man let up on Daddy's throat. He slumped forward.

"My name... name... is Alistair..."

"And?"

"And I'm the..." He gagged and spat something at the floor. "ah... the bastard son of Maric."

One of the armored men laughed, really loudly and abruptly, like the Chantry boys but worse. "If he's Maric's son I'm the First Enchanter."

Jonas stayed quiet until the laughter had stumbled to a stop. "The Grey Warden Alistair?"

"Boss," another of the armored men said, "you can't really believe him?"

"The resemblance is uncanny. And Maric's bastard was known to have fraternized with a dwarf."

Mama, she thought.

"But why tell us this? What is it you hope to gain?"

"I thought..." Daddy stumbled over the words. "Maybe there's more... in me, than in her."

They were cannibals. That was the only answer. They were going to kill them and eat them and bury their bones under the floorboards and no one would save them and nobody would ever know.

Jonas laughed and nodded and the guards dragged Daddy toward the back room and he scream, "Promise you won't hurt her! Promise you won't..." Before one of the men in armor backhanded him and a strangely pretty spray of crimson shot from his mouth.

"Fine, fine," Jonas snapped, punctuating each word with a yank to loosen his belt. "But if either of them try anything," he said to the others, "I will personally skin her alive." Little One's blood felt cold, and Jonas shoved her to a taller man who stood huddled in the corner. "Watch her."

"Aye, sir," he whispered, and the door to the back room slammed shut at Jonas' back.

She tried to get up, to run at the door, but the world was sideways from where she was and she was on the floor somehow.

"Daddy," she said to the floorboards, and the house seemed to lean into her.

In the back room she heard the other men laughing and jeering, like the Chantry boys only much, much worse.

"If I feel teeth," Jonas growled, his voice twisted and distorted, "Maker's breath I swear I will slit your throat."

And Daddy, he was crying or

"Are you all right?" the man in the corner asked. He talked slowly, like his mouth was full of soup.

"They're hurting my daddy."

When she looked back the man was crouched down in the corner, arms wrapped round his knees, rocking back and forth on his heels.

"Not too much," he whispered.

Little One rolled onto her stomach and managed to get on her hands and knees. All of the men, it sounded like, were still shouting, Jonas loudest of all. She couldn't make out what he was saying but he was shouting so loud, louder than he had to to sound scary, like he was trying to scare the other men more than her and Daddy. She crawled to the far corner, beside the fire place, and covered her ears.

She tried to think what to do, what Mama would do, but Mama wasn't small and weak, plus she was good at sneaking, Daddy had said, and good with knives. If she were here she would kill them all, even the big man rocking in the corner, and stop them hurting Daddy and hold Little One and hug her until she was big enough to kill too.

In her mind Mama was teaching her how to shoot a bow when the noises stopped, and soon the men began filing out, one at first and then another a minute later, barely recognizable without their armor on. All their faces looked a little scared. They talked to each other too loud. Finally Jonas came out, adjusting his belt again.

"Where is she?" he demanded, and the man in the corner shuddered and pointed at Little One. Jonas came closer and she saw a silver chain hanging from his hand. The chain was snapped in half, but Jonas was holding onto the pendant attached and she knew it was the one with the white flowers and the spider-web cracks that Daddy always wore.

"That's my daddy's," she told him, very, very quietly. He looked at her with his head on one side, and very softly in return he said, "It's mine now, isn't it?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continued ick-ness, plus a late update.

When night came one or two of the men went back into Daddy's room and she heard him say something, more of a croak, though, like when he was sick. So he wasn't dead. Yet.

Jonas went in as it started to get dark and the men poking up the fire made her move away to sit next to the big man.

"Do your job, Berin," they teased him, and he stared at the floor.

Jonas yelled while he was back there, and Daddy yelled a little, tiny yelps with no words in them. The moonlight was coming in the window when Jonas finally returned, face red and hair stuck high with sweat.

"Somebody throw some water on him," he said. "He's gonna need it." He laughed and some of the other men laughed too. Berin shivered a little and made himself look small somehow.

"I like this place," Jonas said, before all the laughing died away. "No one's likely to happen past. We could easily base out of here."

"There's..." one of the men said awkwardly. "Well, there's not a lot of room, is there?"

The laughing turned to nervous giggling.

"Did I say we were all going to stay?" Jonas asked. "Pay attention, Cutter. I said it would be a good base of operations. So I will stay here, and you, Cutter, you will scamper off and spread the good word to the others. Understand."

Cutter looked nervous. He nodded.

"Excellent." Jonas turned and suddenly he was looking at her. "Dwarf. What's your name?"

It was Little One, but only to Daddy and maybe to Mama if she wanted. "Fayd," she said, because that was what the other people called her.

"Fayd, then. What will you make us to eat?"

 

She didn't know how to make much, but standing on a crate she managed to fry up a bunch of mushrooms and they didn't seem to care that she didn't add anything to them like Daddy did.

Berin never left her side. It was he who reached up in the tall shelves, no trouble, to get out the pan and the matches.

Little One thought maybe he was a Qunari. She'd never seen one before but he looked kind of like she had always pictured them. He was tall, taller than Daddy, and grey, like dry ashes in the fireplace.

All night she sat in the corner by the fireplace with Berin sitting or standing or rocking next to her. She even fell asleep, she thought because when the sun was up there were only Berin and two armored men left, and Jonas was the only one to come out of the back room.

"What for breakfast?" he asked her. She thought about Daddy's biscuits and cheese and her eyes teared up again.

Berin was the one who found the dried meat hanging behind a cupboard door and lit the fire again and put it on the spit for her. If Jonas noticed he didn't say anything, and the armored men were polishing their armor and staring at nothing.

When she sat back down beside the fireplace Jonas ripped off a bit of the meat and threw it to her.

"I'll take some to Maric's bastard," he announced, as if someone had asked. He disappeared into the back room.

A little spider had crawled onto the stones of the fireplace to warm its feet and even thought she didn't usually like spiders Little One felt just a little less alone.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Help from an unexpected place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the missed update last weekend--my only baby sis was graduating. Let's celebrate with a longerish chapter and no more noncon content! We made it, everybody! Let's party like it's 9:31 Dragon!

Things were scary but the same for three days after. Little One tried to cook and fed little bits of cheese or mushroom to her spider, Berin lurked awkwardly beside her, and Jonas went in and out of the back room every few hours.  
  
Then, on the fourth day, Jonas came out of the back room, glanced at Little One, and asked how long it had been since Cutter had left. He seemed pleased with the answer.

"Time to start cleaning up the garbage around here," he said. "We'll find a nice spot to bury it."

Little One remembered the poster of Mama in the drawer, Daddy's amulet and Chantry robes, and her own little collection of corn silk dolls and she knew they wouldn't last. She curled up into herself.

"Come on, then." Jonas led the two armored men out into the yard.

Berin got up and began to pace from the fireplace to the farthest shelves. Little One reached for her spider and instead of comforting her it took off so fast down the fireplace, and then it skittered across the floor and disappeared beneath Berin's feet.

She made a noise that was not quite a crying noise but not quite a yelling noise. Berin stumbled to a stop and stared at her, but behind him the little spider scuttled under the door to the back room.

"I wanna go see my daddy," she said. Berin turned away all of a sudden and waved his hand at the door. Outside somebody shouted, and before he could say anything she scrambled past him. Her knee caught on something just past the table, but she kept going.

The door was heavy. Last year she couldn't even open it on her own and had thought maybe she'd have to live forever with Daddy, because how could she do anything by herself if she couldn't even open a door? Now she pushed hard against it with her shoulder and slipped in through the crap.

It was so dark in there and it smelled so bad. It was kind of a stale smell but it was everywhere and so strong. She swept one hand in front of her as she went so she wouldn't crush her spider. There was dirt and clumps of mud everywhere, here in the sleeping area, where she wasn't even allowed to go unless she washed her feet first. Her knee stung. She tried to scoot forward on the other knee and she reached out and felt the bear skins. "Daddy?"

Something moved suddenly. The furs got pulled away.

"Stop," croaked a voice that sounded a little like Daddy. "Go back out."

"My spider is in here and they're gone except for Berin but he..."

She crawled forward and bumped against bare skin, like his chest or something. He grunted and tried to pull back.

All around there was a whoosh of air and the room glowed purple like a Johnny Jump-Up. First she saw Daddy, trying to shield his eyes with one hand and looking all over swelled up and white-white under the purple. Next thing she saw the piles of armor, clothes, garbage strewn behind him like Jonas and his men had just dumped them there and didn't want any more. Then she looked up and instead of her spider she saw a tall pale human woman with her own clothes draped over her, a long staff strapped across her back. She sat cross-legged against the wall, and floating beside her was a little purple wisp.

She made a clucking noise with her tongue. "Alistair, Alistair. Always the first to go running into trouble."

"You..." Daddy said. Little one crawled into the furs beside him and he didn't seem to notice.

"Me," agreed the woman. "Word travels fast when there's, what, a half dozen little gossiping bandits running around! I left the one in the river and scampered right over."

Daddy didn't say anything, so the woman turned to Little One.

"My, you wardens _have_ been fraternizing. I would never have took you of all people for the fatherly type."

Daddy stared at her like he was going to say something but he didn't.

"My name is Morrigan," she added to Little One. "And I do thank you for the bits of cheese, though you should know that isn't really a spider's proper diet."

Beside her Daddy was breathing hard. Off in the woods she could hear voices approaching, Jonas and the men he'd taken with him. Morrigan extinguished the wisp and in the darkness Little One heard her make her way over to the piles of armor.

"Here," she said, very quietly, carrying a shield over to them. "Leave it all to me, right? I'll save the day again."

Daddy struggled up onto his knees and Little One hugged him real tight so he wouldn't fall over. Daddy didn't hug back but he took the shield and braced it with his shoulder. He ducked down and his chin jabbed the top of her head.

The front door opened and the men clopped in like baby ponies tripping over themselves. It was Jonas who shouted, "Where is the dwarf?"

"In the back room," Berin stammered. "I didn't think it would hurt anything."

She leaned forward just a little. Before Daddy dug his chin in harder and dragged her back she caught a little glimpse of Morrigan in the little bit of light around the door. Her arms were snaking around in the air and she mouthed something Little One couldn't make out.

"Three," Daddy said so quietly she had to hold her breath to hear him. "Two... One..."

The door flew open and the wind screamed around them and the room felt colder than any winter's morning. The air stung her lungs. She buried her face into the bear furs. If anyone spoke the wind killed their words. When it finally stopped, there was nothing.

For a moment the cold hung in the air, and then it rolled down to the floor and it was like it never was.

Daddy gasped and his chin lifted up off her head. She quickly pulled back. Framed against the light of the door Jonas stood mid-stride, skin blue as a winter sky, his face in a monstrous scowl. Morrigan tapped his shoulder with her staff and he tipped backwards onto the floor. Morrigan reached down and began rubbing at his icy pockets.

"What?" she asked when she saw Little One looking. "It's not as if I'm being paid for this."

Little One left Daddy crouched down behind the shield and crept over toward them.

"He's dead," Morrigan told her.

She tip-toed past. The frost was starting to melt off the dead fireplace but the men were still stiff in the act of following Jonas. She went to the door and gave it a push. It creaked and groaned but it opened and the warm warm sunshine came flooding in. She put her back to the wall, listening to the silence that had finally fallen, and there by the fireplace was Berin.

His skin was frosty and he was crouched down where he always sat and staring with big scared eyes.

He blinked and she opened her mouth to scream.

He looked at her and he looked at the door and bit by bit he slid away from the embers toward the door. All she had to do was scream and Daddy would be there, and if not him then Morrigan, maybe, but she didn't say a thing and he crawled toward the door and then out into the sun. He tumbled down the incline towards the swamp and she said nothing.

He disappeared at the foot of the hill and she never saw him again.

When finally she turned back Morrigan was leaning against the door to the back room. She was twirling something shiny and silver--Daddy's amulet on a broken chain.

"Silly child," she said.

"That's Daddy's," Little One told her, pointing to the amulet.

"Is it?" She let it stop and swing back and forth. "I thought it might be. A sentimental little nothing with no value attached. Can't imagine why a rogue'd want it."

Behind them came THUMP! and Little One thought her heart stopped. Under Morrigan's arm she saw the shield lying on the floor and Daddy curled up over his knees. Something dark pooled on the floor beside him.

"Here." Morrigan handed her the amulet. "Go sun yourself. You smell like a mabari on a wet night."

She took the amulet down to the bottom of the hill and yes Berin was gone, so she went back into the trees and sat and sat.

After a long while Daddy and Morrigan came out. Daddy was dressed in one of the long long Chantry robes from the back of the drawer. He looked around, up towards the house and down toward the path. Morrigan nodded her head in Little One's direction and he turned and looked at her for a moment. He hobbled over with his face all twisted up like he was going to cry.

"Fayd," he said, not crouching down to her level. "Come here, little one." His right sleeve flapped a little in the breeze. She scurried toward him on her knees and climbed onto her feet and ran and ran straight into him and he hugged her back with just the one arm. "We're going to go find your mother. You'd... you'd like that, right?"

She didn't know what to say so she nodded.

"It isn't far. She's at a camp, Morrigan says. In the Hinterlands. I don't... I don't think we'll be coming back."

She wanted to go back and get something. The poster of Mama, maybe, or her cup or something else to remember this place by, but even more than that she wanted to never see Jonas or his men again. She put her hand into Daddy's and they walked.


	5. Chapter 5

Daddy didn't notice she was crying and if Morrigan did she didn't say anything. It was so hot and her throat felt like gravel and her heels ached. She held onto the back of Daddy's robe with both fists and kept tripping over the things Daddy tripped over. Her eyes hurt from crying, like her tears were dirt and weren't supposed to be there. It wasn't until Daddy stopped walking that it even occurred to her that she heard rushing water.

"Not far now," Morrigan said. "Across this river, and in an hour's walk or so you'll see the landmark tree. North from there. Should be there before nightfall."

The water was deeper than she was tall and she could already feel it knocking her off her feet and pulling her under. She closed her eyes so tight and buried her face into Daddy's robe.

"I don't suppose there's a... a bridge or something?" Daddy asked. "I haven't been swimming since, well, ever."

Morrigan sighed loudly. "Give me a moment."

Daddy's hand patted her on the head. "How're you holding up, Little One?"

She wiped her face in the robe and looked up. Daddy's face was too hard to see against the sun, but behind him she saw Morrigan's face stretch out into a long fuzzy nose, her legs and arms manipulate themselves into short but strong legs and paws and her entire body balloon out until all that remained was a large brown bear. "Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"Is she a, a bear?"

He followed her pointing finger to Morrigan and sighed. "No. But she is a mage, and that's almost worse."

Morrigan growled.

He helped her with his one good arm to climb up onto Morrigan's wide back. Her arms were just long enough to grab a handful of fur from each shoulder and hang on tight. "Let's go," he said to Morrigan, wrapping his arm around her back just behind Little One. "But... slow, okay? That water looks cold."

It was cold. It was freezing. As Morrigan paddled out and Daddy stumbled along beside her hands were dunked under. Her hands felt like they weren't even there, like everything below the water wasn't really there.

"Nearly there," Daddy shouted over the water, but it was so cold and when she closed her eyes she thought of the cold in the cottage and heard the thump of Jonas hitting the floor. As soon as she felt Daddy tug at the back of her dress she threw herself off and latched onto Daddy's waist. There was a rush of air again and as Daddy put his good arm around her Morrigan said, "See the branches across the hill? Aim for that. You will be able to see the tents from there."

"She's... expecting us?" asked Daddy.

Morrigan laughed. "I shouldn't think so. She doesn't even know that I know where she is."

"Aren't you coming?"

Morrigan shook her head. "I've spent enough time as a human for now. But give your... warden my regards."

Daddy cleared his throat and Little One took a peek at them. He talked low like maybe he thought she couldn't hear them. "I know we sworn on this, but I want to know whatever happened to the..."

But Morrigan was done talking, it seemed. Before them she exploded into hundreds of buzzing insects and was gone.

Daddy sighed and crouched down and put his head in his hand. All around them they were dripping water but it felt so good to hug Daddy so tight that she didn't care about the mud.

They sat quietly for a while with Daddy shivering and Little One hugging tighter and tighter until she opened her mouth and the words fell out onto the ground. "It's my fault."

"What?" He straightened up and she looked up, just a glance with one eye. "What did you say?"

There wasn't any taking it back. "I shouldn't have done it."

"Done what?"

"I hit him!"

Daddy looked confused and a little dazed and then he tipped his head back a little and laughed then stopped then laughed and groaned at the same time. "No, it's not funny. It's not. It's not your fault. None of this is. It's nobody's fault but their own. Right?" and when she didn't answer, "Right?"

"Right," she said, but he'd talked so fast she couldn't understand.

"Come on. It's not far, she said." He let go of her and tried to get back up and almost immediately came back down, muttering words he had warned her a long time ago not to repeat. She gave him a big tight hug but he didn't say or do anything. She didn't know what to say, so instead she tried to sing.

 

_Nug sits in the mud_

_Nug wiggles his nose_

_You tickle the nug, he laughs away!_

_Now the nug sits on my plate_

 

She didn't know what words came next so they sat in silence.

"I didn't teach you that," Daddy said at last.

"Maybe it was the boys from the chantry?" she suggested, but in all honesty she couldn't remember knowing the song, having ever sang it or even thought about it. Maybe she'd made it up. She doubted it. Maybe she'd heard Berin or one of the men say it. She wished she had just kept her mouth shut.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today?! Wow, what?

Eventually they got up and walked some more and it occurred to her to reach in her pocket. The amulet was still there, but when she tried to grab onto it her fingers were shaking and she couldn't quite grab its slippery surface with her cold pruney fingers. She gave up and held onto Daddy's hand instead.

He didn't say anything to her as they walked, just took big rattly breaths, so she tried to think about keeping up with his long strides. One of his was worth two of hers or one plus a hop on the end. Then they were two plus a hop, three--he was practically dragging her now--two and a hop again as they went up a hill. There was the big oak tree they had seen in the distance. That was good; now she could catch her breath and...

And suddenly Daddy stopped dead and when she kept walking he let go of her. She turned back and shining in the sun and flashing along with the chirping of the katydids was a dagger pressed up against Daddy's throat. She barely had the time to feel scared before Daddy grabbed the hand holding the knife, yanked it hard and he and the man behind him tumbled into the dust and he slammed the man into the ground and they stared and Daddy said, "Zevran?" and the man said, "Alistair."

Daddy fell back onto his knees and she grabbed for his hand and pressed herself up against him and wished she could make herself even smaller.

The man on the ground sat up, dusting himself off. He was pale, with pointed ears, and not much bigger than she was. "You might have told us you were coming," he said.

"Didn't know," Daddy rasped. "Natia?"

Zevran jerked his head down the hill. "With the recruits. Should I let her know you're....?"

Daddy staggered to his feet and he pulled her along over the crest of the hill. She let go and he let go and she could hear him gasping for breath. She stopped, just for a moment, long enough to see he was heading for a cluster of tents, a handful of archers shooting and dummies, and, standing just behind them, a short stocky woman with dark, dark skin and two daggers strapped across her back.

It was exactly as she had always imagined.

She ran too, just a bit behind but her side felt like she'd been stabbed and still she couldn't quite catch up. Her feet caught on weeds and rocks and she skinned her knees and arms and elbows but she couldn't take her eyes off Daddy. The woman turned to look, so did the archers, she looked back, looked again, and Little One heard her shout, "Alistair?" just before he was on her and picked her up with his good arm and as Little One missed the ground in one last step she grabbed his waist and they all spun around and around until Daddy sat down suddenly.

"How did you..." Mama tried to ask, reaching up and grabbing him by the back of the head. " _When_ did you...?" And then she looked down and her shining dark eyes met Little One's and she stopped.

"No," she whispered. She reached out with her free hand and touched Little One's face. Her hands were rough and looked too big for her, just like Daddy's did, and the archers were gathered around now, looking confused, but it was everything she had ever wanted and she threw herself into Mama.

"What is going on?" Mama demanded.

She looked to Daddy but he was still gasping, so she told her about the breakfast that felt like years ago and the men and biting Jonas and how they his her and dragged Daddy away and right as she was getting to Berin and the spider was when Daddy slumped forward between them and she realized she couldn't hear him gasping anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hi. I used to update this thing, didn't I? Like, months ago? And haven't done it since? Even though I have the next three or four chapters written? Wow. Slacker.

She didn't see where they took Daddy because Mama took her away and wouldn't let her look back.

"He will be fine," Mama said as they walk-ran into the tents. "We have some of the best physicians in Fereldan right here." Even though she wasn't very much taller than Little One she walked as fast as Daddy. "You just stay in..." She pulled her between an aravel and an abandoned campfire to where a big rough tent stood by itself. "...stay in here, all right?" She pulled back the tent flap onto what looked like darkness. "You're probably tired, right? Behind the table there's a nice bedroll, have a nap or something. Affe! I'll send someone along with something to eat. Do you need something to drink? Affe, come here!"

Out of the darkness came a whine and a thumping of paws and a massive dog, bigger than her and almost bigger than Mama, emerged blinking into the light. His short nose and clipped ears were snowy white but the rest of him was golden brown.

"Look after her, Affe," Mama said, but she couldn't let go now, could she, not after everything? "He won't hurt you, he's a big softy. Let him smell you." And Mama pulled her hand away and the tent flap closed behind her, leaving Little One and the mabari by themselves in the dark tent.

For a moment she couldn't believe Mama had actually left. Surely it had been a mistake; she'd dropped the tent flap by accident and would come back in to say of course Little One could stay with Daddy, it was all a big misunderstanding and everything would be fine, the way she'd always imagined it would be.

But she didn't come back.

She didn't come back and eventually Little One sat down where she'd stood. She put her face against her knees. Let the mabari stick his whole face in her hair and snuffle it before curling up beside her and snoring.

If Jonas found them--yes, Morrigan said he was dead but maybe she was wrong, maybe the men who left came back and were coming after them--if Jonas found them and she wasn't there they could hurt him again. Maybe Mama would protect him, but how would she make him feel better after? She didn't know his favorite songs or funny stories and probably she'd be too busy fighting. If Little One just knew where they were taking him... but she didn't, and her stomach ached so bad that she couldn't stop twisting and untwisting her fingers.

She put her head against Affe and cried into his short greasy fur until she fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, one more chapter. just because it's election week and i'm anxious.

Something hit her!

Something hit her and then something heavy was on top of her, Berin maybe, trying to crush her to death. She couldn’t breathe, it was dark, Daddy was gone or dead or

“What on…” The weight rolled off to one side, a dog was whining, and she heard, “What are you doing on the ground? I told you there was a bed roll just in back.”

She tried to sit up but the world was sideways again and again she tipped with it, but something warm and scruffy stopped her from falling. It was so bright all of a sudden, but Affe picked up his head and, blinking in the light from the door, she saw Mama. “Daddy?”

Mama brushed herself off. “I told you he’s fine. He’ll be back soon. Now what are you doing on the floor?”

It was colder now and she hugged Affe a little tighter. Her legs felt still and there was dirt all up and down her side. Her stomach growled loudly.

Mama froze. “The food! I for… Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

But if she tried to get up she might fall again. She held tight to Affe and he dragged her up with him until he was standing and her toes barely touched the ground.

“No. No, Affe! Stay.” Mama took her hand, pulling her away from him. Her hand was rough, but it wasn’t Daddy’s.

The sky was grey and even though it wasn’t bright, exactly, it hurt her eyes. She could barely see where they were going but she could still hear, and what she could hear was everyone whispering. They were whispering about her—she knew when people were and she could tell when the Chantry boys were talking about her and when instead they were talking about how Daddy was almost a Templar like they would be. But she was with Mama now, she reminded herself, and Mama would look out after her. It was weird to keep forgetting that. She was here, with Mama, and they were together.

Mama didn’t say anything as they walked. They were walking, too. She didn’t have Daddy’s big strides, and that made Little One’s insides warm. She looked like her mama and walked like her mama too.

“Ancestors preserve us,” Mama muttered, pulling up at a big clump of tents. They were smaller and closer together here and there were kids running around. Not just human kids, like from the chantry, but kids who were elven or maybe even qunari. On top of everything she could hear dogs barking and smelled… soup?

She couldn’t even stop herself. She let go of Mama’s hand and even though Mama grabbed for her she followed her nose through a gap in a pile of crates, across a well-worn path in the dirt, around a dusty gray tent and up to a big bubbling pot.

“Well, hello,” said the woman tending it. She stood up and tapped the spoon on the edge of the pot. “Where did you come from?”

It hadn’t even occurred to her that someone would be cooking the soup. She immediately ducked her head down and stared into the dust.

“There you are.” She heard Mama coming up behind her. “I apologize, Filda, if I’d known she was going to come bother you, I’d…”

“Oh, nonsense. Who is the young lady?”

She held her breath. My daughter, she thought. My little girl. My baby. My Little One.

“Her name is Fayd,” Mama said. “We’re finding her something to eat.”

“You don’t say? Well, you’re welcome to stay and have some soup. It is nearly done.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“It would be an honor. Have a seat and I’ll fetch some extra bowls.”

Little One took a quick glance at Mama to see what to do and when Mama sat down cross-legged she did the same. She hadn’t noticed it but Mama didn’t wear heavy boots like Daddy did. Instead her shoes were small and green-grey, and on the sides some one had sewn little sprigs of flowers. The color on the thread was faded, but they looked like maybe they used to be blue.

“Here you are, little one.”

She looked up, a little startled, but it wasn’t Daddy or even Mama. It was the woman, Filda, standing over her and holding out a steaming bowl of soup. She was tiny, Little One realized. She was a dwarf.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she took the bowl.

“You’re welcome dear.”

“We can’t stay for long,” Mama said. “I have to get her back to her father soon.”

The soup burned her mouth.

“It’s okay,” she said, keeping her head ducked low so they couldn’t see the soup dribble back into the bowl. “I don’t mind staying with you.”

“I’m sure your father will want to see you.”

That made her sigh to herself in relief, but she really hoped Mama wouldn’t feel left out.

“Her father,” said Filda. “Anyone I would know?”

Mama didn’t say anything, and Little One couldn’t resist.

“His name is Alistair,” she said, looking up. “He’s a Templar and a Grey Warden and he and my mama killed demons together.”

She looked to Mama, so proud of her brave daddy and her invincible mother, but Mama just stared down into her bowl.

“Eat your soup, Fayd,” she said at last.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY FINE JUST ONE MORE

The sky was very dark when they got back to Mama’s tent. She thought maybe she could find her way around a little now, and she recognized the aravel out front.

Mama picked up a lantern that hung off the back of the aravel.

“Wind’s picking up,” she said, pulling back the tent flap. “Rain ought to blow right over.”

She went into the tent and found Affe lying beside the table, one paw tucked under his chest, panting and drooling. He gave a raspy woof when he saw them, and Little One went over to give him a pat.

Mama set the lantern down on the table. “You’ll be all right here. There are still things I need to attend to.”

But Little One barely heard. The lamp light fell on the area behind Affe, where, just like Mama had said, a bed roll was laid out. Under the blanket, curled up into himself, lay Daddy.

He didn’t answer when she spoke to him, not really, but he sighed in his sleep and looked really tired. Her nightgown was still a little damp, dirty all over, and he looked clean, like he’d had a bath when he’d been gone, but she curled up next to him anyway. He was warm and his breath smelled milky, like a puppy’s. She couldn’t help but think about Jonas. If he found them he could hurt Daddy worse. She could hear him yelling, she thought. Her heart beat on the walls of her chest.

But then outside somebody laughed, and inside Affe wuffed at them. Maybe it could be okay. Maybe that was why all these people stayed together when they could be on their own.

Either way, she felt oddly safe when she fell asleep at Daddy’s side.


	10. Chapter 10

She woke up when Mama was up, sitting beside Affe and lacing up the shoes with the flowers on the sides.

"What are we doing today?" she asked Mama.

Mama grunted, pulling the laces tight. "I don't know what you are doing. I have to get back to my archers."

She really wanted to shoot a bow but she didn't dare ask for that. "Can I go outside?"

"You can go wherever you want. Try not to wander out of camp. Oh, and take Affe with you, if you want." She turned and took Affe's face in her hands. "Look after her, alright, dog?"

Affe waggled his little stub tail. Mama patted his head and headed out.

Her nightgown felt hot and kinda grimy. She rubbed at the mud stains on the hem and out of the corner of her eye she saw Daddy open one eye. He looked at the back of the tent, at the blanket tangled around him, at her. The eye closed again. He shivered a little.

Of course she knew he wasn't sleeping, but she tugged Affe with her out the door and left him alone.

Outside it was still pretty dark and the rain was dripping down like somebody in the sky was trying and failing not to cry. There were a few puddles around, just deep enough to splash pleasingly when she stomped on them. Affe looked at her with his head on one side. She looked back and stamped her foot again, splashing him. He made a sad little whine.

"Don't be a baby dog," she told him and splashed him again. He gave a sharp bark. "Look, I'm mama and you're a dragon." She ran to the back of the tent but couldn't find any sticks lying around, so she just imagined the daggers, one in each hand. She danced around Affe, cool water splashing her ankles. He looked confused for a moment.

"Dragon," she said. "You're a dragon, Affe."

He let out a big booming bark and started dancing back and forth. She flashed her blade in his eyes but instead of being stunned he lolled out his tongue and licked her.

"Ah! Flame breath!" She fell back into the aravel. "Sorry!"

Nobody was there.

She ran around and around the tent and Affe ran around and around after her. They could have gone around and around forever except as she was rounding the tent her one leg shot out ahead of her and she crashed down on her back. It knocked the wind clean out of her. Almost immediately Affe pounced and began licking her face.

It surprised her how much it hurt. She crawled back to the entrance almost in tears. She stopped to catch her breath and that was when she heard Mama.

"Alistair."

Silence.

"Alistair, look at me."

Hadn't Mama already left to see her archers?

"Not today? Maybe tomorrow."

She stuck her head in the tent. Mama was leaning against the table. She could only see Daddy's legs and the blanket at the end of the table.

"If you want to lay there and cry that's your business, but I can't help you if you don't give me something to go on."

"It's done." Daddy's voice sounded hoarse and tired. "They aren't coming back."

"Doesn't matter. If they knew your name they ought to know who I am, and they ought to know I do not play games."

"It wasn't about you."

"I don't care if it was or it wasn't. They hurt my family, and I hurt them."

At her tone of voice Affe pricked up his ears and bounded forward through the flap. When Little One crawled through, both Daddy and Mama were looking.

"I'm all muddy," she said, because no one said anything. Affe trotted up to Mama and put his muzzle on her knee.

Daddy lay on his back now, looking just as pale and tired with the blanket pulled in around him. Mama seemed to tower over him.

"I can see that," Mama said. "we'll have to find you something dry to wear."

"Do you have any nightshirts? Sometimes I wear Daddy's."

"Hmm." Mama sighed. "I can't say that I own any. I'll ask around, see what I can find." She stood up and stretched, then gently nudged Daddy with the toe of her shoe. "Think about it. All right?"

Daddy shook his head.

Mama made a grunt of disgust but she didn't say anything and Affe trotted off with her.

"Come on," Daddy said at last. "Time for a nap."

"A nap?" A creepy little worry wiggled its way into her head. She hadn't had to take a nap since her last birthday. Well, she had taken a couple, out under the trees or hidden in the flower beds, but she never told Daddy about those. If he knew she liked an afternoon nap every now and then it would be straight back to every day naps and having no say in the matter. "Daddy, we just got up."

"Well, I'm tired again. Come keep me company."

That wasn't fair. When she had to take naps he could do what he wanted, but she had to nap every time he took one. She flopped her arms against her sides and groaned really loudly before she lay down, so he would know she didn't like it. He closed his eyes and snuggled down into the blankets as if he didn't realize she was covered in mud and getting everything soaked. She still wasn't tired.

"I don't think Mama likes me," she said.

"Don't be silly. She loves you. Always has..." Here he yawned so hard she heard his jaw crack. "Ah... always will."

He opened up his eyes a little and looked so sad. Still, she poked one more time. "How can she have loved me? She didn't even know me before."

"Yes she did. She knew you before you were born."

That still didn't make her feel better. So Mama had known her when she was still in her belly. Maybe she had loved little bitty Little One who didn't do anything but sit there and maybe kick once in a while. But now she wasn't so little and was muddy and messy and didn't have any clothes and wasn't even brave enough to stand up for Daddy when those men hurt him.

As if he knew what she was thinking Daddy said, "Close your eyes... don't think of anything..."

Which was terrible advice that didn't even work. When she told her brain to think about nothing it immediately thought about thinking about nothing. But it seemed to work for Daddy. He was already asleep.

Or he should have been. Instead as she went to crawl out from his awkward sleep-hug he opened his eyes just a bit and asked, "What's wrong, Little One?"

"I'm not tired, Daddy."

"No? I must have got all your tired because I could sleep for days." He closed his eyes again and she noticed he had two blankets now, each one too short for anyone but her and Mama. He looked awfully sweaty and tiny rivers ran down his face, glistening around the ugly red scrape on his forehead. "I could sleep forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. This has been a rough week. America elected a rancid carrot president. I've been so anxious I almost forgot to upload. Stay safe, guys. I love you.


	11. Chapter 11

The worst thing about napping in camp was that she could hear other people, out and about and not napping. They were singing or shouting or laughing. She thought she could hear a clattering noise like people were fighting with swords and shields but she wasn't sure. She really, really wanted to get up and go outside and play, but Daddy wouldn't just fall asleep. Instead he kept closing his eyes and then opening them again. How was she supposed to get out if he didn't go to sleep?

She tried to think about other stuff, even though Daddy always said to think of nothing. She thought about Affe and how she'd always wanted a puppy. She thought about Mama and how she'd always wanted a mama. She thought about the archers and the other kids and all the exciting things she'd hoped for, but mostly she thought that this wasn't how she'd wanted to get all these things.

 

Mama brought clothes she'd borrowed from someone in camp, some too big for Little One and some too small, but Daddy's new clothes did fit.

"You did a good job," Daddy said, but as soon as he was dressed he crawled back into the bedroll and why get dressed if you weren't going to get up?

Mama grabbed a handful of the too-small clothes and shoved them back into the sack. "You haven't changed much."

One of the skirts was so long she could pull it up under her armpits and it still came down almost to her knees. "Look," she said, but no one did.

"Neither have you."

"Lookit," she said again. Maybe they hadn't heard her before but she definitely didn't want them to talk over her.

"A couple of years older, a couple of years closer to death."

"Lookit!" she shouted. Her voice sounded too high, like she'd stubbed her toe or something, but they both turned to look.

"Why don't you go outside," Daddy said to her. "Your mama and I... we've got some things to talk about."

Mama looked at him. "Do we?"

So she went out, but she stomped the whole way so they would know how mad she was. But when she looked back, they weren't even paying attention! She was so angry and hot all over she walked directly into the man standing at the tent flap and peeking in.

"Watch out," he said, but didn't stop peeking.

Little One prepared her teeth--even if she was mad at Daddy she'd still bite in his defense--but before she could latch onto his hand she realized he looked familiar.

"You're that man with the knifes," she said.

"Daggers." He shushed her.

"You tried to stab my daddy."

The man rolled his head back and looked up at the sky, then at her. "I try to stab any number of people. He was a mistake, though."

The man was darker than she'd thought, not as dark as she or Mama but still a nice warm dirt color. His ears were pointy on the end and his hair was whiter than Daddy's. "But why'd you try to stab him?"

"He was running up the path toward my home and I didn't think I knew him. What would you do if you saw somebody you didn't know running toward you?"

"I'd bite him." She clacked her teeth together so he could see how sharp and strong they were.

"There you go. I don't bite, I stab, but it's the same thing."

"Not really." She sat down in the dirt and pulled the skirt around her like she was a volcano or a mountain. "I thought Mama would teach me to shoot a bow so I wouldn't have to bite anymore, but she doesn't have time for any of that stuff."

"Mm." The man was peeking in through the tent flap again, but he stopped to look at her. "You want to learn to shoot, eh?"

Thinking of how good it would have felt to shoot Jonas right square between the eyes, she nodded.

"Well, I don't know the first thing about shooting but I can teach you to stab things."

"Really?" The last time somebody had tried to teach her something was dance lessons with the Chantry lady, and that was only because Daddy had asked her.

"I don't see why not. Knives... _daggers_ are much more convenient than biting." The man held out his hand. "I don't think we were introduced. I'm Zevran."

She rushed through her options in her head. Was he good people? Was he bad people? It was hard to judge anymore.

"I'm Fayd," she said at last. If he was good enough to call her Little One he could prove it by himself.

"A pleasure, small warden. Now, let's go find you some proper stabbing implements, shall we?"


	12. Chapter 12

Little One woke up in the morning already excited and not entirely sure why. She had already wriggled out from the bedroll when she remembered--today she would get to stab things.

Daddy was still sleeping--did he ever stop?--but Mama was awake. She was sitting at the table, lacing up her flowered shoes.

"You're up early," Mama said. "Don't you ever sleep?"

"I already slept. What are those?" She pointed to the faded flowers.

"What are what?" Mama's gaze followed her fingers. "My shoes?"

"The flowers."

"Oh. Those are just... flowers. They were a present from a friend."

"What kind of flowers...?"

"Delphinias," Mama interrupted. "If I bring you both some breakfast, will you make sure he eats?"

"Um... I guess?"

"Good." She went to the tent flap. "Hold up here. I'll be back in just a minute."

Little One sighed as loud and as hard as she could so Mama would know she had other stuff to do, but the only one who noticed was Affe. He trotted over and fell onto his back with his paws waggling in the air."Oh, you want stuff too, huh?" She threw herself on top of him. "I'm not doing it! I'm not rubbing your tummy!"

Affe huffed unhappily but kept his belly up.

"I fed him a lot," she told him. "Isn't it her turn?"

Affe's little stub tail wiggled.

 

They both smelled the food at the same time and scrambled over each other to get to Mama first. She came in carrying a big tray loaded down with warm steaming loaves of bread and what smelled like fried fennec meat, and three canteens all leaning together.

"Are you gonna eat with us?" Little one started to ask, but Mama put the tray down and separated one of the canteens from the others.

"You can have either of those two, but this one is for your father. Do you understand? It's very important he drinks all of this."

She nodded and held up her hands for it but for some reason Mama just held it tighter.

"If he tries to tell you he doesn't need it or doesn't want it, tell him I said he had to take it. Unless he wants to spend the rest of his life feeling like something that crawled out of the deep roads and died."

Wouldn't it be easier for Mama to tell him all this, instead of Little One trying to remember everything?

"And if he still says no, tell him..." Mama hugged the canteen up tight. "Tell him I'll pour it down his fool throat my own self."

"Okay." She would figure out some way to make him drink it. As long as they didn't argue or get mad at each other, that was all that mattered. She help up her hands again, and after a long while Mama handed the canteen over.

"Make sure he takes it." Mama's voice was littler than usual.

"Promise," Little One told her. Finally Mama left, and she took a little loaf of bread to share with Affe and sat down to wait.

Daddy's face was all scrunched up like he was having a really serious sleep. She picked all of the good warm springy bread out and ate it, and Affe ate all the crust, and still Daddy hadn't woke up yet. She thought about that elf that was supposed to teach her how to stab things. How long would he wait? Not long, she figured. She wouldn't wait that long herself.

She was itching to run off and find that elf, so she grabbed Daddy by the shoulder and gave him a shake. Instead of waking up like he was supposed to he curled up and groaned and kept sleeping.

"Daddy." He sighed but kept right on snoozing. "Daddy!"

"He's a heavy sleeper," said a voice behind her, and she jerked around ready to bite or claw, but it was the elf. He was inside the tent this time, sitting cross-legged on the ground beside the table.

"How long have you been there?" Little One demanded. Affe's scruff suddenly stood up on end and he started growling.

"Not long. I thought we had agreed to meet, but I see you're already busy."

Her heart was thump-thump-thumping but she tried to calm it down. "I have to make him drink this stuff. Mama said."

"I see."

Maybe she was too short after all, because it seemed like he was looking right over her head at Daddy.

"But he doesn't wanna wake up."

"Evidently."

She waited to see if he had anything interesting to say, but he didn't. "Do you know my mama?"

The elf snorted. "Do I know your mother! I tried to kill her once."

"Did she try to kill you?"

"Of course she did. I'd just tried to kill her."

"That was a big mistake. My mama could kill anybody."

The elf smiled with his teeth but nothing else. "I don't think it was. It was the best idea I'd ever had."

That didn't make any sense, but then he was an adult, after all, and adults usually didn't. "Okay." She put the canteen down on Mama's chair so she would know which one it was. "Will you still teach me to stab things?"

"Hmm? Oh, of course." He kept staring past her. "But don't tell your mother, yes? If she wanted you to play with kni... with daggers she would have given you some herself."

She hadn't thought of it that way. Would Mama be angry? She would want Little One to be able to stand up to Jonas if he ever came back... wouldn't she?

"Fayd?"She didn't recognize her name at first, it sounded so weird in Daddy's voice. She spun around so fast it made her dizzy. Daddy had rolled over and was blinking at her.

"Who are you talking to?"

"The elf," she said--his name was too hard to say--but when she turned to point at him he was gone like he hadn't been there at all.

Behind her Daddy groaned. "I have such a headache."

"Right. Mama said you have to drink this." She picked up the canteen. "And if you say no..."

"I'll..."

"No!" There it was again, that interrupting! "Mama said if you say know she'll make you drink  it herself."

"I see. I guess I'd better drink it, then, hadn't I?"

"I guess so."He sat up when she handed him the canteen, but he didn't open it or act like he was going to drink it.

"Well?"

"In a bit, Little One."

She heaved a big sigh.

"Why don't you take the mutt out for a while. I'll finish this up when I get a minute."

"Okay." She felt bad leaving him, but there was stuff she wanted to do.

He lay back down and curled up around the canteen. Little One hustled outside and almost collided with the elf again.

"You didn't tell him about me," he said.

"Noooo.... he would have told Mama."

The elf looked surprised. "Oh. Fair enough, then. Now, about your stabbing..." He produced from behind him two little daggers, the tiniest ever, probably. "When would you like to start?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this seems a lot like filler, but I swear this is building up to something.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucky number 13 :)

Even though they were little, the knives were heavy.

No, not knives, daggers, Zevran kept saying. And they weren't really knives like they'd had on the dinner table at hom. These were as long as her arm from her elbow to her wrist and made her hands hurt just trying to hold them up.

They weren't very far from Mama's tent. Little One could hear a river, maybe, or a stream, but for right now they were in a little clearing in the woods. Zevran had dragged in a bale of hay and put a coat on it, and now he was trying to get her to stab it.

"The important thing is to know your grips," he said. "Hold it like this..." He held the knife with the blade pointed down and the back end of the handle beside his thumb. "...and you can certainly get more power, but you can also have terrible accidents." He swung the knife down toward the bale of hay, pretended to miss, and kept the blade going until it was next to his leg.

"A blade does not help you if it's stuck in your thigh," he pronounced.

"Okay." She let the knives dangle toward the ground and twisted back and forth in place.

"Now, if you hold it like this..." He flipped the blade around so it stuck straight out like his arm was extra long. "This way you have less power but more control. There's a time and a place for both."

"Okay."

"Now you try."

Try what?

"Hold it like this, and stab the bale."

It felt silly. The hay bale hadn't done anything. It didn't even look like a people.

"Pretend it's someone you really don't like. Like this." He stuck the knife into the side of the bale and quickly pulled it out. "Now you."

She hefted the knife up and staggered forward so the tip poked into the coat, then looked back to see what Zevran thought.

"Okay, that was... good... let's try it again and this time really stick it in there. Like it's somebody you just..." He clenched his fist. "...you _hate_."

She pulled the knife out and tried to imagine the hay bale was Jonas. "This is dumb."

"Psh. A dumb thing is a thing that cannot talk. This is an exercise the youngest Crows do until they can properly wield a blade. Do it again."

"Okay." She tried to make it all work out in her head. Maybe Jonas wasn't actually the hay bale. Maybe he was hiding underneath it. Maybe he'd heard that she was big and strong now and was coming to hurt him for hurting her daddy. She stabbed the bales, but it didn't go in all the way so she leaned on it to make it reach him.

"Better. Now try the other hand."

She made a stab with her left hand, but the knife bounced off the side of the hay bale and her wrist ached.

"There we are, that's your non-dominant hand." He chuckled a little like he'd said something funny. "Try the right hand again."

She tried to pull the other knife out, but it was stuck. She dropped the loose knife and took a hold of the stuck one with both hands. She heaved... and went toppling over as her hands slipped right off the handle.

Zevran grabbed her wrist and she jerked to a stop halfway tipped over.

"Maybe we should start with grip-building exercises," he suggested.

No! She was supposed to learn to stab, not hold-Jonas'-hand-to-death! She yanked her hand free and grabbed the loose knife. "No, I can do it. Watch!"

She grabbed the loose knife in both hands and stabbed it into the back of the coat. It went right in! "See?" She pulled it out and stabbed it in again.

"Okay, yes, I see. But..."

No! They were going to do this the way she wanted. Nobody ever did things her way but now they were gonna. She stabbed the hay bale again.

"Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe daggers aren't your thing. There's no shame in..."

She swung the knife in his direction so he could see. She was good at this. It wasn't like dancing. She _had_ to be good.

"Why don't you..."

She swung it again and then all of a sudden he jumped on her and pulled the knife away.

"I can do it," she yelled, grabbing for it, but he dropped the knife and kicked it away.

"I'm sure you can. We'll... try again tomorrow?"

To her annoyance she felt tears poking at her eyes. She blinked them away. She didn't feel like crying. She felt like biting someone.

"We'll certainly come back to it," Zevran offered.

But she didn't want to come back. She didn't want to go back. She wanted... she wanted...

She wanted her Daddy.

So Jonas--no, it was Zevran--picked her up and slung her over his shoulder and hauled her back to Mama's tent and deposited her outside.

Daddy was sleeping. Still. But she snuggled in close anyway. She wasn't going back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks to EchoAnansi for a gentle kick in the britches. :)

The sound of thunder crashing woke her up and then she couldn't fall back asleep. Daddy always told her, "Don't worry, Little One, it's just the Maker rolling out some barrels of mead." And when that didn't work he'd say," Maybe it's a dwarf thing?" Then he would try to tell her it was the ancestors breaking rocks, looking for lyrium, probably, or maybe clearing the way back to a thaig? And usually it ended with both of them very confused.

Today, though, Daddy slept right through it. Little One knew that because she could hear him snoring. Mama wriggled around in her bedroll, and Little One sat up to see her, but Mama settled down and went back to sleep. Even Affe was flopped over on his side, paws twitching.

Ugh.

She rolled out from under the covers and went over to the table, where the lantern was turned down low. A little pot sat out on the table, catching the drips from the top of the tent.

She wondered about the cottage back in the woods. She wondered if Jonas and his friends were still there, all frozen like statues, and if the roof was leaking on them too.

"Poke," Little One said, and pretended she was stabbing Jonas. She stabbed him with her better right hand, and then with her not so good left hand. It stung so she gave it a shake. There was a big bubbling blister on it. Zevran said that was a good thing, it would turn into a callus and then it wouldn't hurt anymore, but Little One wasn't so sure. It seemed like everything that started hurting just kept hurting.

She sat down between Daddy and Affe and pulled Mama's shoes toward her by the laces. She tried on the left one and it fit pretty good so she tried the right one too. They were still a little damp from the rain but Mama had wiped all the mud off them so she could sit with her leg bent funny and look at the blue flowers sewn onto the sides.

"If you want shoes," Mama said, and Little One jumped because since when was Mama awake? "I can probably get you some."

Mama was still lying in her bedroll but now her head was propped up on one hand and she was looking over at her.

"I like your shoes. The flowers are pretty."

Mama looked at the shoes and said nothing.

"Can you sew them on my shoes when I get them?"

Mama rubbed at her face with her arm. "I didn't sew them, Fayd. A friend of mine made them, and she's... not here."

"Oh." She rubbed the outline of the flowers in the dark. Their petals were all stretched out like they were trying to reach off the leather. "What kind of flowers are they?" Mama didn't answer right away so she said, "Daddy and I grow dahlias. They get really big, as big as my head sometimes."

"Well, those aren't dahlias. They're larkspur. Delphinia. They grow on the mountain where I grew up."

"Was your friend from the mountain too?"

"I don't know. Anyway, they didn't grow in the mountain, so I never saw them until I left with your father and the Grey Wardens."

"Was your friend a Grey Warden?" Little One didn't remember hearing about Mama's friends in any of Daddy's stories. She'd always figured everybody was Mama's friend, and anybody who wasn't she killed.

Mama rolled onto her back and looked up at the tent. "That's enough questions for one night, Fayd. It's time to go back to sleep."

It was always time to go back to sleep, Little One thought, but she went back and curled up next to Daddy and listened to the thunder rumbling in the sky.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Mama said that Little One should go to lessons like the other kids in the camp.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" she asked Little One. She was lacing up her shoes and kept talking before Little One could answer. "You'd be with other kids your own age and you'd learn important things."

What could be more important than learning how to stab things? Little One wondered, but Mama didn't actually know she was learning to do that. Affe came over and flopped down with his big head in her lap. She gave him a pet.

"She could be learning to read," Mama said to Daddy. "Or how to do numbers. I never had a head for numbers but if she starts early... who knows?"

Daddy sat up in his bedroll with his arms wrapped around his knees. He was just staring off at nothing again.

"Alistair?" Mama snapped her fingers in front of his face a couple of times. "Alistair, you with me?"

"She's awful young," Daddy said at last.

Little One nodded to herself. Yup, she was too young. Too young to be going to lessons. Too young to be playing with the other kids. Too young to do anything but learn how to stab stuff with Zevran and make sure Daddy was doing okay.

"You aren't serious, are you? She isn't that young." Mama turned back to her. "You're how old, Fayd? Seven, eight?" Before Little One could answer she went back to Daddy and said, "And how old were you when you started training with the templars?"

Daddy rested his chin on his knees and just looked at Little One. He didn't say anything.

"Alistair. Alistair?"

"Ten," Daddy said quietly. "I was ten."

"And how old do you think I was when I started attending the school of hard knocks?"

Daddy chuckled a little bit, and even though Mama hadn't been smiling before she smiled at that.

"There you go. You're never to young to start learning the right things."

"I already know things," Little One said, but neither of them seemed to notice her.

"Just trying to look out for her." Daddy reached out a hand like he was going to take Mama's hand but she didn't reach back, just patted him on top of the head like he was Affe being a good dog or something.

"Well, it won't hurt her to learn to read."

"I already know how to read," Little One said, which was mostly true. She could read her name, and she knew most of her letters most of the time.

"And it definitely won't hurt either one of you to get out of this damn tent once in a while."

 "Hey," Daddy warned. "I leave the tent. When it's necessary."

"And what would you deem necessary?"

Daddy considered. "If it were on fire, maybe. Or an arch-demon showed up."

Mama sighed. "Alright."

"If there were a particularly bad flea infestation."

 "I've got it, Alistair."

If they weren't going to pay her attention she would just go somewhere where somebody would. She shoved Affe off her lap and gave him the hand signal for "stay," and then she wandered outside.

It smelled like pollen out there. There were people all over the place, talking to each other, running around with bows and daggers and swords. It made her dizzy just to look at it. She crawled underneath the aravel and watched their feet going back and forth and back. It was almost like a dance, she thought, her eyelids starting to feel a little heavy. And she knew all about dancing. Dancing was just spinning, but with music.

And then she saw a familiar pair of feet walking past, toward Mama and Daddy and the tent.

She scrambled back out, and whacked the back of her head on the side of the aravel in the process.

"What are you doing here?" she asked Zevran.

He stopped dead in his tracks and looked quickly back at her.

"Ah, Fayd," he said. "I didn't see you there."

"If you're looking for Mama she's busy talking to Daddy. She says I have to go to lessons."

"Ah." Zevran looked back at the tent for a bit, then turned back. He put a big smile on his face. "Why would I come to see them? You are the only member of the Therin family I ever see."

"Didn't you hear me? She's gonna make me take lessons!"

Zevran frowned. He squinted his eyes. Then he shrugged.

"If I'm taking regular people lessons I can't have knife lessons."

"Dagger lessons... listen, perhaps we should tell your parents."

"What!" He was just like all the other adults after all. He thought he knew what was best for her when he didn't, none of them did. None of them realized it was better if Little One could just take care of them. 

Ugh. Her entire body felt like it was angry. She stomped and turned around and stomped and turned again and shook her arms but it wouldn't get out.

"Not your mother, of course. But your father wouldn't mind. He could find a way to convince your mother."

"He wouldn't do that. He'll just do whatever she says."

"Fayd, you hurt me. Don't you trust me?"

Not really, but even if he was an adult like all the other adults she didn't want to hurt Zevran.

"Okay," she said. "Fine."

"Excellent. Why don't you let me know when your mother leaves, hmm?"


End file.
